In October 2008 my husband of thirty-six years, D.O., passed away. I lost my companion, my inspiration, my mentor and my best friend.

For weeks after, my family and friends patiently listened to me talk about D.O., excessively. I even got tired of listening to myself, I couldn't seem to open my mouth without some memory pouring out.

It's been over two years, and I still want to talk about the memories. I want to talk about the entire ongoing experience, but the person I want to talk about it with most, is not here in body, only in spirit.

"Always Loving You" will be a collage of memories, experiences and at random thoughts addressed to my late husband, in no particular order, simply written as they come to mind, sprinkled with a little music.

It will be our journey from start to where I am now. Anyone is welcome to join us, but no one is obligated.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Here we are



(Listen to Billy Paul, Me and Mrs. Jones, while you read)
I created this blog in October of 2008, only days after you passed away. I had big ideas for the blog, but every time I started to post something it made me so sad I just couldn't write anything. I called it writer's block and blamed you (love still blaming you for things). I'd let it set a few months and try again, but each time I couldn't seem to stay focused. I think I was also afraid someone would send the white coats after me if I talked to you in a blog. It worried me then. Now, I'd welcome the company, regardless of the color of coat they wear.

I hope you like the template I am using. The birds of course instantly remind me of you. I never fail to feel your presence when I see a flock of wild turkeys in a field or a flock of wild geese flying over, it's like a sign from you each and every time. I get that same feeling when I am wearing heels that are too high without you there to hold me up, or when I stumble over a crack in the sidewalk and you aren't there to catch me. I know you are watching and shaking your head.

Through this blog I want to remind you of some good times (and not so good times) we had in our 36 plus years together. In the last year you were here it was hard for you to remember things. I think that was one of the hardest parts of dealing with your illness, because over the years we laughed and cried a lot over the memories we made. I missed that long before you left.

I also am going to share with you some of the things I have done and been through. Here's the kicker. I really do feel your presence every single day. I believe you see and continue to watch over me, even hear your voice sometimes telling me something. If I have this every day experience, why do I need to talk to you in a blog? I like to write? Maybe it will help someone else who has lost a spouse? I don't know why. I just know it feels comfortable.

About the music. I have to include music in all of this, since it was such a huge part of our relationship. You have my word I'll go easy on the Beatles, but I can't make any promises on the rest of it. :)

Until next time, I hope you know that I still love you as much now as I ever did, and I miss you each and every day.



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